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Current Music:The Weird Moon.
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Subject:heavy metal.
Time:08:20 am
Current Mood:chipperchipper
Alright. I'm very confused.
I want to put a picture in here but I'm not sure how to do it!
With every attempt, it fucks up!
Help?

Last evening was ... eventful. My friend Jon, well, his friend was having a going away party at The Starlight so that is where I spent my night. During the beginning of the celebration however, a guy had a seizure and an ambulance came, etc. Poor guy, although I'm sure he's fine.

So. The night was fun. I was really nervous about going out, but, like usual, things turned out fine. I always get so uncomfortable.
Doug was there, an old friend I haven't seen in a little while... so that was cool. A girl named Deana was there as well, who I found to be very attractive. I think that I was hitting on her all night. She didn't seem to mind at all. :)

I came home at around 2:30 or 3am... got inside, drunken and stoned, and immediately made myself some good ol' KD. KD with tuna, that is! It was delicious, and exactly what I needed before I passed the hell out.
I was very drunk.

I CANNOT BELIEVE I'M GOING TO SEE NIN ON MAY 10th!!!! AHHH!

Anyways, It is 8:30am right now. My mom and brother just left for school... woke me up with all of their noise. I came down here to check my email. Nothing. So. I'm going to go back to bed.

Tah-tah!
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Current Music:100.3 fm
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Time:03:46 pm
I had an interview today at noon for Earthwinds, in St. Jacobs.
Very beautifully laid out store... and I think that the interview went very well.
I don't want to jinx anything, but man... I would be lucky to get this job. Very cool. A lovely store, with a cafe in it as well.
The manager of the store said that I would get a call either way...
I'm crossing my fingers!
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Subject:WOW. Very lame.
Time:01:53 pm
Current Mood:blankblank
Bored.
Here goes nothing......


[Sexual Preference] either.
[Marital Status] single.
[Height] um, 5"3
[Shoe size] 7 ?
[Parents still together] no.
[Siblings] One, Mackenzie.
[Pets] Dog: Benny, Cat: Magik.

Favorites:
[Colors] Green
[Number] 420 :D .. ha.
[Animal] Wolves.
[Drinks] beer. water. juice. gingerale ?
[Book] Blood and Chocolate, Women Who Run With The Wolves, City of Razors (and other poems), The Circle Game

Do you...
[Color your hair?] No
[Twirl your hair?] No
[Have tattoos?] No
[Have Piercings?] A few.
[Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both?] No
[Cheat on tests/homework?] haven't done either in a long time.
[Drink/Smoke?] Yes
[Like roller coasters?] yes they're fun.
[Wish you could live somewhere else?] Yes.
[Want more piercings?] Yes.
[Like cleaning?] hmm... not really. Sometimes?
[Write in cursive or print?] a mixture of the two.
[Sweat a lot?] Not unless I'm active.
[Own a web cam?] No
[Know how to drive?] No
[Own a cell phone?] No
[Ever get off the damn computer?] Yes

Have you ever:
[Been in a fist fight?] I would say so, yes.
[Kicked someone in the nuts?] hmm.... No.
[Stolen anything?] Yes
[Held a gun?] Yes
[Drank?] Yes
[Been so drunk you couldn't remember your name?] Unconcious. Same thing?
[Considered a life of crime?] Yes
[Considered being a hooker?] I've thought about the lifestyle.
[Cried over a girl?] Yes
[Cried over a boy?] Yes
[Lied to someone?] Yes
[Been in love?] I think so.
[Fallen for your best friend?] Kind of.
[Made out with JUST a friend?] Yes.
[Been in lust?] Hell yes.
[Used someone?] hmm... I'd have to think about that.
[Been used?] Yeah.
[Been cheated on?] No, I don't believe so.


Currents...
[Current clothing] jeans, black tshirt, bandana.
[Current mood] all sorts of things
[Current taste] iced cappacino w/ kaluha! yumm...
[What you currently smell like] "so pink" ... hahah.
[Current hair] crazy.
[Current thing I ought to be doing] nothing at all.
[Current cd in stereo] Static X
[Current crush] hmmm :)
[Current job] AHHH... need one.

The last time...
[Last book you read] The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon, Stephen King
[Last movie you saw] Monster
[Last thing you ate] Turkey sandwich
[Last person you talked to on the phone] Jeff.
[Do drugs?] Yes
[Have a dream that keeps coming back?] Yes
[Play an instrument?] Sometimes
[Believe there is life on other planets?] Yes
[Remember your first love?] Yes
[Still love him/her?] Yes, still very close.
[Read the newspaper?] Yes
[Have any gay or lesbian friends?] Yes
[Believe in miracles?] ...
[Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?] Yes
[Believe in God?] ...
[Do well in school?] no school
[Go to or plan to go to college] quite possibly.
[Wear hats?] sometimes
[Hate yourself?] no
[Have an obsession?] Yes
[Have a secret crush?] ...
[Collect anything?] cd's. pills.
[Have a best friend?] Yes
[Close friends?] yes
[Like your handwriting?] No
[Care about looks?] sometimes.

Love life
[First crush] Daryll Cox
[single or attached?] I am a single woman.
[Do you believe in love at first sight?] I'd like to.
[Do you believe in "the one?"] I'd like to.
[Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing?] hahah.
[Are you a tease?] no
[Shy to make the first move?] no

Are you a...
[Wuss] no.
[Druggy] maybe.
[Daydreamer] yes
[Freak] ...
[Dork] ...
[Bitch/Asshole] no.
[Brat] no.
[Sarcastic] quite often
[Angel] no
[Devil] no
[Shy] sometimes
[Talkative] sometimes
[Flirty] sometimes


Aaaaand, that's it?
Very productive, Drew!
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Subject:thumbs down.
Time:06:20 pm
Current Mood:fullfull
Oh, you've got green eyes,
OH YOU'VE GOT BLUE EYES,

Oh you've got greeeyyyy.... eyeees.....

And, oh,
it's the last time.
And,
I've never met anyone quite like you before.
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Current Music:CHICKS ON SPEED - Little Star
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Subject:HEROIN ADDICT - GIRL NEXT DOOR, THE ONLY PLACE SHE MADE IT, WAS ON THE FLOOR.
Time:07:56 pm
Current Mood:boredbored
WHY IS EVERYTHING SO GOD DAMN..... hard?

up, down, turn around,
please don't let me hit the ground.
tonight I think I'll walk alone -
I'll find my soul as I go home.

- New Order / Temptation



Bought me-self some delicious pot today. cheap too.
nice.

So. Red wine tonight.
I'll be back in the morning. Wake up. Start over.

6 days, and I haven't taken my pills! I guess I haven't really taken them properly in months but, it is official now that I have cut them off. I can't do anything very quickly. Very lightheaded. Hope the coming down stops soon.

My mother has gone out. Gone to Tim's to watch a movie. Before she leaves, she reminds me, "No smoking pot in the house!!!"...
I may. I usually do. If she's not home, well....
I promise her I won't, but I do.
Am I a bad person!!?!? AM I!!!?

I guess I should go. Get myself in gear for a night of intoxication!!!
I really, really wish there was something fun to do.


Good night, sweet dreams, go to hell.
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Time:03:44 pm
Okay so help me out people.
I have a NIN w/ The Dresden Dolls ticket! I got the VERY last ticket! The very last ticket, of the two shows they are playing on May 9 and 10th.
Now ... who am I going to go with!?
I need to find out who's going!
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Time:05:33 pm
1. Pick a band and answer only using the band's song titles:
The Cranberries

2. Are you male or female:
Free To Decide

3. Describe how you feel about yourself:
Dissapointment

4. Your best piece of advice:
No Need To Argue

5. Describe your last relationship:
I'm Still Remembering

6. Describe your last crush:
Just My Imagination

7. Say something to someone you have a crush on:
Forever Yellow Skies

8. Say something to an ex:
Linger

9. Say something to someone who hurt you severely:
Shattered

10. How do you feel right now:
Dreaming My Dreams
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Current Music:Drum and bass assasins
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Subject:poetry!!... written last night, 1:26am.
Time:03:23 pm
Current Mood:contentcontent
Tell me what you think?
I'm sure I'll work on it some more...
Here's a rough.


Ah,
As if I were a very large tree,
The tallest tree!
And I’m stretching my long arms,
- Long branches,
Into the sky!
And when I do extend far enough,
I can entwine my fingers in the moons, planets and stars,
Pull it down with me,
Wrapping the night around my body,
- My trunk,
Like a blanket.

Removing my garments,
Naked,
Animalistic,
- Wearing nothing but a midnight sky.
Dolled up,
- With claws and a full moon.
Adrenaline,
And dirt,
- Beating hard through my veins.
Becoming one with
taste and smell,
Muscle, and bone,
Blood, and instinct.
Wild!!!
Strong!
Stronger than ever!
Raw!
And it’s your existence that fuels this fire in me...

As if I were I very tall tree,
The tallest, greatest tree of them all!
And I was stretching out, reaching way out,
To see if I could wrap my arms,
- My branches,
Around you.

So step upon my shoulders,
I’ll extend my body,
In all different directions,
And....
You can climb up my arms, and into the air.
Let me show you, the freedom of an earth-baby’s spirit.
Liberation!!
We’ll hold each other tight, and drag ourselves to it.
I will show you,
That there’s nothing more important in the world,
Than a scar.

We will run together!
As fast as we can possibly take ourselves!
Through a field of damp grass and cloud,
Clenching the earths soil with our toes,
As we slice through a pitch black, wide open landscape.
Vulnerable territory...
And, we will thrash and tear into each other!
And you’ll tease,
Scratching and nibbling playfully,
And I will rip and bite back harder!
And we will tumble, and throw ourselves hard against the ground,
And sink into the earth,
- Chewing on one another’s tails!
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Current Music:Elliot Smith......
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Subject:No Name No. 5
Time:11:19 pm
Current Mood:okayokay
Imbolc / February 1st
- Major sabbat.
- Celebration involving the banishing of winter.
- Fire festival dedicated to burning out the old and bringing in the new.
- The feast of candles!!!
- Purification.
- A time for changes.
- Fertility.
- Burning out the darkness in our lives, with the power of the sun.

HAPPY IMBOLC!

And oh, how we celebrated. :)
I kept several candles lit all day, and Magik ended up knocking one of them onto my living room CARPET! A BLUE candle at that....
So I have been spending the evening, using the ol' iron on paper towel trick to soak up the wax and it has been working over fairly smoothly. :)



.... Ohhh my. On a seperate note.
I also...
Got to see my Mr.Matthew yesterday afternoon/evening.
For the first time in a while. Only the SECOND time since he's been back from BC.
We ate mushrooms together, and had a very good time. We talked about our trip together, his family, how they are doing, Jessica, Joey, Dennis, etc. etc.
He ended up leaving at around 10pm... Which gave us the perfect amount of time to see eachother, and left the rest of my evening open.
Goddd...
Being with him, being around him... Fuck, it makes me want to be so wild! He makes me feel like doing things so extreme.
His presence makes me feel a certain way...
He evokes things in me that are so free and so beaauttifullll....
I want to be with him!
I'd be lying if I said I didn't.
But... He's untamable. Not that I want a tame boy! But.... He is very hard to read sometimes. He has a certain purity to him, and yet he's still so raw, and .... crazy.
Oh Matt. I wonder how he would take everything I am thinking right now? I don't know if he could handle me.... I'm kind of a spaz myself.

Maybe I'm confused?

Anyways, the evening ended perfectly.
I walked him up to the top of the path, where the bus stop is. We talked and I continued to reminiscence over the feelings we have for eachother. I got the same vibe from him, but sometimes understanding people is tricky.
It's almost fate I think. Matt and I. What other kind of relationship could we have? Of course we're going to be attracted to eachother.... Everything from the day we first met, until this point in our relationship... it's all been crazy.
It's been so romantic. In a strange way I guess.

So,
we were waiting for the bus, focused on our conversation, when I noticed the bus driving by!!....
I told Matt to run for it! And he did!
And I yelled to him, " make sure to call me sometime! "
he answered, " I will!!! "
Me, " Are you sure!!??? Make sure you DO! Bye Matt!! "
Him, " I will!! I will!! Byeee!! "

So I guess,
We'll see?
It was great though. Really great to see him. Really great to hear what is going on in his life.
It was good, to see that he was also very happy to see me.

What else?
Derek called me from Austria yesterday as well.
Another long, lost, love.
Oh my.
If we had still been together, February 1st would have been our one year.
It was really great to hear from him too. Really crazy to hear his voice over the reciever, and know that there's ocean inbetween us.


I did some very PRODUCTIVE cleaning today!!!!! :D
I also, had KFC. :D

Well,
Good night.
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Current Music:spaceboy. pumpkins.
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Subject:HEART COOKS BRAIN.
Time:02:28 am
Current Mood:hopefulhopeful
So here I am, 2:28am.
I was planning on going to bed, I had just finished eating some soup I purchased from Sweet Dreams, (Udon, with beef dumplings!), and talking to Mr. Joel on the telephone.
BUT I decided to come here, and check my email, and possibly update this silly site.

I had two new emails from Derek.
Currently he is on his hitchhike home from Germany. Destination: his home, in Austria.
His journey THERE apparently went very well....
He and 5 others, went together, and split up into two groups.
They put a 5 dollar bet on who would get to their destination point, (a friends house in Germany), first.
Derek's team won. Him, Robert, and Anna.

However, their journey HOME is not going over as smoothly! It never seems to! You're tired, and cold,
But there's still something so liberating about it all!!!!
Walking on your own two feet, breathing in the fresh air!!!!
MOVING!!!!
FEELING!!!!!
EXPERIENCING!!!!
LIVING!!!!
Ouuu, I would die to be in his position. I tell him this all the time, as well as telling him how happy I am that he is making these memories for himself.

I think about my trip out west all of the time, very much so recently.
Being out there.
God damnit.

I've been thinking about Matt a lot too. I called him tonight... it took me a lot and my heart was pounding like crazy.
I was shaky, and nervous.
I haven't talked to him in a very long time, and it makes no sense to me. He can have his new girlfriend, it doesn't even matter to me... I just need to talk to him. I need to find out how he is doing. What is happening in his life right now. I want to talk about what we did and where we went.
He's such a unique person.
ahhh, a crazy person. :)
Boo...



Ah, well, Boo is right... I'm tired.
Time to go.
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[icon] Wake me up when the day is late...
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